Prayer to the Co-parenting Gods to Help You Through the Holiday Season with Your Ex

Do NOT let your co-parent stress you out this holiday season. Say this prayer FIRST!

And so it has begun. With less than two days kicking off the holiday season, I wish you blessed co-parenting, scheduling and an easy breezy holiday visitation season! With that said, let us all bow our heads…

Co-parenting god,

I pray that this year be a stress free holiday with my co-parent.

I pray that my co-parent responds to all scheduling emails and communications within a timely manner and does not make scheduling pickups and drop-offs for holiday visits and school breaks a difficult one.  Because if I say 2pm you know the devil will make my co-parent say 1pm, and if I say tomorrow, that damn devil will make them say today, just to spite me. And if I want them to be flexible, they miraculously have plans that can’t be broken when you know they are just sitting doing nothing. I pray that my co-parent refrain from making incendiary remarks via email, text or voicemail or to my child during this holiday season, because god, you know how they are and you know how I am and you know, well YOU KNOW!

I pray my co-parent stay in their lane and refrains from acting sanctimonious because being a parent, just doesn’t happen on the holidays, it is a year round thing.

And co-parenting god, I hope, I really do, that my co-parent and their new piece do not go around playing house with my, um our child. Blended family is one thing, but it took two and that two did NOT include them! But bless them because they have to deal with what I didn’t want.

Co-parenting god, I pray that my co-parent doesn’t purchase over the top items for our child that they shouldn’t have without at least checking with me first.  I pray that we do not end up with 2 Fijit friends that get sent home to my house when I already have two more Fijit Friends waiting at home under the tree, because god, that fool just made me waste money and this month, my co-parent didn’t pay their child support. Sidebar:  nice earing’s/necklace/watch new girl/boyfriend. They must have spent some serious money on that, oh yeah, MY KIDS MONEY!

I pray, co-parenting god that my co-parent doesn’t prevent our child from calling my family members during the holiday season. Because if great Granma don’t hear from her great gran baby I will have to listen to that woman all day, tell me how stupid I was for laying down with that trash and how momma shoulda beat my ass more when I was a chile’ so I wouldn’t be in this mess because I was a fast ass and ask me how am I gonna catch someone with all these damn kids and that trifling co-parent still sniffing around.

And co-parenting  god,  I pray that my co-parent returns all the nice holiday clothing that I purchased for our child. And return them sooner rather than later because I paid for it with my money and getting a holiday outfit back on the Fourth of July Weekend is NOT going to help me out.

And I also pray, that if New Year’s eve falls on my co-parents visitation day, that they do not wait until the last-minute to cancel and say they are not going to pick up our child,  citing some sickness or whatever, when really, they have a hot date or the new piece doesn’t want the kids on NYE and fucks up my hot date because…wooo saaahhh, halleluiah… because co-parenting god, you KNOW it’s been a LONG TIME since I have gotten any and I NOW have a hot date and damn dey fine and god, dis person may be getting some…wait um okay scratch that.

And most of all, good, great, malevolent co-parenting god, I pray that you either give me enough strength or enough liquor to prevent me from shoving a fruitcake down the throat of my co-parent the next time I see them. I may get a little aggressive when asking them to “have a taste”.

In co-parenting god’s name, AMEN!

Happy Holidays