Tag Archives: weather

Dear CoParent: A Letter To My Most Difficult Ex

17 Aug

Writing letter to a friend.

Dear CoParent,

I don’t often feel the need to communicate outside of head nods and waves, however I am somewhat compelled to bring back the art of letter writing. There are so many wonderful things I would like to share with you so here goes!

  • We are not telepathically connected, if we were we’d probably a)still be together (not) or b) you’d be totally floored to know how I really think about you, and not my polite company opinion of you, the gutter Love & Hip Hop, NY and Atlanta Reunion Specials opinion, the Teresa Giudice eye bulging neck vein opinion. So next time, try announcing your arrival for pickup instead of sitting in front of my house waiting like I am supposed to just feel your presence.
  • Do you think after all these years you arriving late for pickup actually bothers me? Nuh uh, as a responsible parent, there is always a Plan B. So if you think you are exuding some sort of control by just showing up when you like in order to either upset me or ruin my day…try again.
  • I love the fact that you always pick-up in taxi’s and hourly rented vehicles. Does the city give you a poor persons discount for these things? I didn’t know that people on Public Assistance who only make 5k per year while running a successful company could afford such things. o_O
  • I don’t talk about you negatively in front of your child, I don’t have to. The kid sees what an asshole you are unfortunately. I know, I know, its hard for you to hide it although you did a good job fooling me for a certain period of time. I am actually the one that encourages understanding, communication of thoughts and boundaries with both parents. Be lucky and appreciative because that kid gives some really wicked shade…I guess the kid learned that from you.
  • In case of emergencies, how about you call me. Sending text’s to my EMAIL ADDRESS is not going to get you a quick response from me during the day. I have a life, I work and don’t wait on your every word.
  • Just because you put it in an email, doesn’t mean it’s true. Do you not realize that email has time stamps and Tony the Tiger, is NOT REAL!?
  • Parenting Time, is not having your girlfriend pick the kid up from school, take the kid home, cook the kid dinner and then take the kid back to school the next day.
  • Although the kid is precious, the child its not a trophy. You don’t understand? Well all you seem to do during your Parenting Time is sit and stare at the kid, fuss if the kid is not dressed to your standards and show the kid off instead of having quality interaction and being a parent. Polished and in your possession…TROPHY.

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Diary of a Fustrated Single Mother During Summer Break: BIG BAG OF CRAP

20 Jun

Day 0.0

So the day has arrived, the last day of school. My kid is out of school for the summer. I am excited and elated that my third grader is now on her way to the fourth grade! It was a tough year, and we almost lost it at the end, with the whole hitting a kid thing (even though the kid kinda started it), and some other issues; fooling around with her friends in Spanish and making a slingshot in English.  But the kid came back strong with grades, performance and behavior. YAY for mommy and yay for kid!

The last day of school was a rainy day, but I was still happy and eager and freaking excited that my new morning call time for the next three months would be for 7 and not 530 a.m. All of that changed when I walked into her classroom and saw what was waiting for me, it was the biggest freaking bag full of crap I have ever seen. The bag will here on be referred to as Bag of Crap. Yes it’s so big, it gets a name. Parents, you know about Bag of Crap, it comes home the day before winter break, spring break and summer break. It spills out into your living spaces immediately and takes forever to be dumped and put away. For some reason we parents never seem to remember to expect Bag of Crap and act ridiculously surprised when the kids come walking out the building with their trusty, heavy friend.

The past three years, I have fallen victim to Bags of Crap with its sharp objects poking out and ruining my suits and stockings with sharp pencils and books and random straws. Bag of Crap is are typically made of cheap materials and usually fall apart shortly after putting in 10 pounds of crap. This year, Bag of Crap contained: art projects made of food, clothing , toys you didn’t even know made it out of the house, one of my rings, I tiny origami bird 9 headbands, puppets, a few straws, pencils with paperclips put in the eraser heads tied up with strings….yeah, good ole Bag of Crap.  One would think that in the pricey school I send my kid to, they would have better quality bags lying around to send the kids home with.  Being that I am not an evil mommy, I end up schlepping the shit myself, along with my big ole purse or Bag of Craps cousin my Shoulder Bag of Crap.

So I figured this year I would be ahead of the curve and get her to start bringing home some of this stuff early so that I don’t have to look like a bag lady and break my back on the last day of school. Did the kid do what I asked? Of course the heck not. I ended up carrying this bag shown below, plus my bag, plus an over sized umbrella in the  pouring rain. Not light rain, not steady rain but bananas ass pouring, subway slowing rain. See the bag below, its as wide as my front door. This was no joke.

The bag is as wide as my kitchen door, is about 2 ft high and HEAVY AS HECK!

The bag is as wide as my kitchen door, is about 2 ft high and HEAVY AS HECK

Well welcome day 0.0 of my kids Summer Break!

Half Naked in the Snow: This Week in Bad Parenting

9 Nov

This week on the East Coast, we had some bad weather, some Day After Tomorrow the movie weather. Yet still, on a day when it was below 40 degrees outside and snowing, snowing hard, I saw children outside in ballet flats, skirts with no stockings and open jackets. The kids are shivering, freezing, and look absolutely crazy. But their parents see nothing wrong with it.

I could understand if you are a grown as wo/man, but if you are my child, on no planet would you be able to leave the house looking like that. It is not as if you can’t afford a coat.

Go home and go put some clothes on!

#modelmombehavior