So the day has arrived, the last day of school. My kid is out of school for the summer. I am excited and elated that my third grader is now on her way to the fourth grade! It was a tough year, and we almost lost it at the end, with the whole hitting a kid thing (even though the kid kinda started it), and some other issues; fooling around with her friends in Spanish and making a slingshot in English. But the kid came back strong with grades, performance and behavior. YAY for mommy and yay for kid!
The last day of school was a rainy day, but I was still happy and eager and freaking excited that my new morning call time for the next three months would be for 7 and not 530 a.m. All of that changed when I walked into her classroom and saw what was waiting for me, it was the biggest freaking bag full of crap I have ever seen. The bag will here on be referred to as Bag of Crap. Yes it’s so big, it gets a name. Parents, you know about Bag of Crap, it comes home the day before winter break, spring break and summer break. It spills out into your living spaces immediately and takes forever to be dumped and put away. For some reason we parents never seem to remember to expect Bag of Crap and act ridiculously surprised when the kids come walking out the building with their trusty, heavy friend.
The past three years, I have fallen victim to Bags of Crap with its sharp objects poking out and ruining my suits and stockings with sharp pencils and books and random straws. Bag of Crap is are typically made of cheap materials and usually fall apart shortly after putting in 10 pounds of crap. This year, Bag of Crap contained: art projects made of food, clothing , toys you didn’t even know made it out of the house, one of my rings, I tiny origami bird 9 headbands, puppets, a few straws, pencils with paperclips put in the eraser heads tied up with strings….yeah, good ole Bag of Crap. One would think that in the pricey school I send my kid to, they would have better quality bags lying around to send the kids home with. Being that I am not an evil mommy, I end up schlepping the shit myself, along with my big ole purse or Bag of Craps cousin my Shoulder Bag of Crap.
So I figured this year I would be ahead of the curve and get her to start bringing home some of this stuff early so that I don’t have to look like a bag lady and break my back on the last day of school. Did the kid do what I asked? Of course the heck not. I ended up carrying this bag shown below, plus my bag, plus an over sized umbrella in the pouring rain. Not light rain, not steady rain but bananas ass pouring, subway slowing rain. See the bag below, its as wide as my front door. This was no joke.
The bag is as wide as my kitchen door, is about 2 ft high and HEAVY AS HECK
Well welcome day 0.0 of my kids Summer Break!