Tag Archives: stepparents

Are You Co-Parenting with Darth Vader?

31 Jul

Darth Vader had to be the worst father in the history of the universe.  Sure, he sacrificed himself at the end of his life for his son, but at that point after years of terror, it was too little too late. Given his prior behavior, Vader’s sacrifice was self-serving and Vader Come Lately if you ask me. And what about poor Padame? His evil actions caused her to croak. Could you imagine all of the Vadering that would have taken place to Padame if she was alive? If Darth Vader were living in present day, he would have dragged the mother of his twins through intergalactic Family Court in order to wrestle wrestle Luke and Laura away from her, because heck, Vader was not the type of man to pay child support and living expenses for droid upkeep.

Does this sound like your Co-Parent? If so, you are dealing with a man I would like to dub as Darth Father.

How do you know if you are dealing with a Darth Father, here are the 10 signs below:

  1. Any amount of child support is too much for a Darth Father to pay. Be it $50 dollars a month to $1300+ per month. If they make 10k to 2M per year, a Darth Father just does not feel like they should be giving you any money to take care of their child. Let The Rebels, i.e. your family, take care of the kid. Freak for all he cares, the Ewoks can chip in as well. Nobody is going to take away money from this Darth Father when he as DeathStars and shiny rims to purchase.
  2. Fights for visitation but then never comes to your galaxy to collect the kid(s). So after months, sometimes even years in my case, of fighting you for custody or visitation, a Darth Father will be granted visitation and then just disappears into the universe. But, that one day, when the child is not available, then watch out, hell hath no fury like a Darth Father scorned!  A Darth Father will have your ass back in Family Court quicker than Yoda can flip over your ass and cut your neck with a light saber.
  3. darth sidiousFights for visitation then leaves the kids with other people. So let’s say that after you go through family court and your co-parent gets your kid for a few days, they themselves don’t even spend time with your child.  A Darth Father’s kid will either get left with the current girlfriend, another family member or heavens forbid, with that family member who nobody likes who looks and talks like Darth Sidious.
  4. They know how to use The Force. The Force, being Family Court. For some Darth Father’s they have mastered The Force of Family Court. The manage to manipulate the system to their benefit, being able to obtain free attorneys, file constant motions and are some of the most litigious people from The Dark Side you will ever meet! Beware!
  5. They fight for control of things they cannot control. A Darth Father always wants to control shit that is not their business. If you start dating again, they want to be sure that this dude is not around their kid. They want to control how you do your child’s hair, what they wear, who their doctor is, but never want to do any of the work or the manual tasks that it takes to maintain what they want to control. Heck, my Darth Father once asked the court to make me inform him who I was going on vacation with. GTFOH! And when they do not get what they want they are quick to turn to The Dark Side to exact their revenge and “protect” what is theirs. Exactly what happened to “Sweet Little Annie”!
  6. A Darth Father never keeps their word. Remember when Laura told Darth Vader where the rebel base was in order to save the planet and that sucker blew up the planet anyway. Yeah, that’s a Darth Father.  You agree to all of their demands just to maintain a decent relationship for the sake of the kids and they cross those boundaries and mess shit up anyway.
  7. They misrepresent themselves to others. Before Darth Vader became, well Darth Vader, he was sweet little Anniken, right up till the end. Nobody knew that he was leading a double life of terror and mischief around the galaxy. And your eh hem, I mean Padame’s dumb ass didn’t see it. Your Darth Father will come to events and smile and wave for his audience and behind the scenes will literally be giving you the finger. My Darth Father once came to a school function to have his current girlfriend serve me with court documents.
  8. They speak ill of you to your child and to the Jedi Council. Anniken had no issue expressing his dislike and distrust to Obi Wan, just like a Darth Father would have no issue expressing his dislike of everything Mommy to your child. From her clothing selections to how I do her hair, Mommy always does something wrong.  These things are said to almost anyone a Darth Father can get on their side be it teachers, medical professionals or family members.
  9. No matter what planet you are on, you are still in THEIR UNIVERSE. These dudes are so full of their own Metacholrens there is no room on the planet for anyone else. Anniken had the most metachlorens than anyone had ever seen and all he could think about was securing his own interests. And just like a Darth Father, everything comes back to THEM. Your request for support is an attempt to rob him. Your attempt to set a schedule for your kid is an attempt to control their life and tell them when and how to spend time with their kid. Screw it, any and all requests is an attempt to ruin their lives according to a Darth Father. Beware Kimmie, looks like Kanye has the ability to turn to the Darkside!
  10. They are just plain EVIL and try to drive you insane. Anniken/Vader caused Padame’s death, it may not have been purposely, but some of these Darth Fathers live to see you suffer. They take Vadering to a whole other level with the tactics they employ to make your life a living hell.  Hey Padame took the sucker way out and left those kids to fend for themselves, we are stronger than that and live to fight a Vader another day.
A Darth Father lives for nothing more than to drive you nuts.

A Darth Father lives for nothing more than to drive you nuts.

So now that you now that you are dealing with a Darth Father, how does one get out of his grip and ride off into the sunset with Han Solo? Well lets save that for Part II.


Behavior Boundaries: Don’t Sweat What Other Kids Do

22 Jan

There is a base level of normalcy within my childs behavior. The kid is going to challenge me, gives me her opinion whether I want it or not, always forgets to hang up her uniform, talks way too much, forgets her homework at times and there is a level of forgetfulness when it comes to please and thank you. With that being said, my benchmarks for behavior are different than others.

In my world, parenting shouldnt have to be an exercise in making your kid perfect or avoiding other parental criticism/comments or making your children the poster child for other kids or moms. It should be a mix of basic human decencies (no you cannot curse, hit, stab, murder, spit, pick buggers, steal, walk around naked or pee in public) and your own preferential parenting styles and values/morals (yes we can discuss why you are grounded, you can have a sleepover but I have to meet parents first, you must hug me in the morning). So talking in class every now and again is no real cause for concern, the kid is 8, that is a base level 8-year-old thing a quick mention of should fix, whereas full on clown behavior, talking back to a teacher etc will elicit the full vengeful wrath that is mother. You have to let kids screw up every now and again in their age zone and in your parenting zone.

But this is just my way of doing things. Others don’t feel or live the same, which is a given. The trick is knowing how to spot and deal with these people when you come across them and being firm and secure in your own parenting style so you don’t go home and drive your kid nuts with what Becky, Johnny or LaMarcus did and didn’t do today in comparison to your kid.

So another mothers mention of what Johnny does and how Johnny is the most polite alien in all of the U.S. of A. should roll off your back. So what if your kid doesn’t ask to be excused when they leave the table, if that’s not something that bugs you, screw what Johnny does. To you, your kid may bring about your wrath if they forget to recycle or takes things from the fridge without asking.

Dont get me wrong, sometimes, if a kid is sick, or has developmental issues or is violent or aggressive or a danger, do not ignore it, what I am saying is know your kid, know your boundaries, trust your parenting. Too many cooks in the kitchen turn the soup into pudding.


MILFin Aint Easy: What Is Your Baby Mama/Daddy – Kid Limit When Dating? (single mom dating)

29 Dec


How Many Kids – Baby Mamas/Daddy’s Is Too Much?

Not everybody can be the Brady bunch.  In their scenario the respective other spouses were deceased. But that is not the case for us all and there are men and women out there who have multiple children with more than one  person, more than one spouse more than one hookup.  So, my question to you is, how many is too many? And what situations are you not willing to work with if your potential mate has kids?

In my life, I am 1:1, one kid, one dad and I will be 36 very soon. But on this fantastic dating journey that I am on, I have to say, I have found some crazy ratio’s. 3:3, 4:3, and yes, 5:4. I have had to ask my self, how many extra kids and women am I willing to deal with.  With 3:3, nope, I’m not gonna do it. If you have three kids with 3 mothers, you are sloppy. 4:3, married twice young and some chick on the side with the youngest kid being younger than mine and you are older than me…yeah not gonna work. And for the 5:4 dude, that stopped the conversation cold and I think I hung up the phone immediately. I didn’t even want to hear the story.  To make it simple, these are the types of situations that I have found:

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When the Teachers are Bullies: Why I Will Always Question a Teacher Before I Question My Kid

7 Nov

You should always question a teacher and question them HARD when you get a bad or not so great report about your kid. Gone are the days when all teachers should be considered these noble beacons of light who can do no wrong, they are people, like the rest of us prone to all the trappings of the average Joe on the street.  Teachers are not immune to human tendencies, and just as in work situations, when a colleague or boss is an asshole to you “just because” they may not like your hair, your face, your energy and/or your very being and find fault in everything you do, the same thing can be happening to your child at school with their teacher.  The difference is, most young children don’t realize it and just seek to please the person in charge. As parents, especially single moms or busy moms, or first time moms, we want to get it right so bad, we immediately take what teachers say about our children and run with it.

I made the mistake once of not defending my child against a teacher who I now believe, just didn’t like her. Her energy and enthusiasm which had her being named the leader in her class the year before, likened and known by everyone in the school from the older students to the administration and the staff, to this particular year,  it turned into her being “attention thirsty” and “disrespectful” by her homeroom teacher. I didn’t get it! And so, for the entire year, I focused on having my child behave instead of really researching what was going on in that classroom. She was being picked on and dare I say bullied by a teacher.

At her age, she didn’t know or realize what was going on, but just as a child will always try to please the parent and internalize the lack of love and support they require, they will do the same thing with a teacher and try even harder to get the teacher to like them. And that’s sad. I finally realized what was going on after discussing my concerns with her previous teacher, other parents and a teachers aid and realized that this particular teacher was treating certain kids differently than others, my child was being picked on BY THE TEACHER. But by this time, the year was over. If I had to do it again, I would have, well you don’t want to know what I would have done (don’t mess with mine!)

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How To Avoid Going Crazy When You Are ALL Stuck in the House WITH THE IN-LAWS TOO: East Coast Parent Hurricane Edition

29 Oct

As if the kids weren't bad enough,  you are stuck in the hurricane with your in-laws as well.So, some of you guys are not only stuck at home with the kids, but with the in-laws as well. WOW. Well here are some tips that can get BOTH the kids and the in-laws off your back.

  1. Family Tree Time. Give your kids a project of making a family tree and the first thing you do is tell them to ask Grandma/Grandpa. OMG, don’t you think they would just DIE (hopefully/hopefully not literally) to tell your kids the history of the dinosaurs and get them to write it down. This will take FOREVER! It will annoy the frack out of your kids, keep them AND the in-laws out of your hair.
  2. Time to Organize. You know that part of the house that they always complain about?! Your kitchen is too dirty, your linen closets are so cluttered, how can you find anything in your pantry with it looking like this. WELL, now is the time to LET THEM HAVE IT. “oh, my mama so and so, you are so right, I could never get this as organized as you would, I’m lost, can you help me!
  3. Lets have THE TALK. You know your in-law LOVES gossip and here is a way to get them and your husband/beau out of your hair. Tell your in-law about a problem that your significant other is having and tell them how they wish they could talk about it with you. And guess what, OFF they go to harass your spouse or boyfriend to have a chat.
  4. Cooking. Ha this is easy, just do it IN FRONT of your kids. Oh mama or grandpoo so and so, the kids JUST LOVE your (insert food item here) and I can NEVER seem to make it right myself. By the time you mention it to the kids they will be hopping up and down begging for it to be made!
  5. Booze. Old.people.cant.hold.their.liquor! Simple, they are OUT LIKE A LIGHT!


This Week In Bad Parenting: This is the name that NEVER ends! Where Uma went WRONG.

27 Oct

This week, the bad parent award goes to Uma Thurman for the worlds longest, most annoying name for a child ever and for a nickname that makes absolutely NO sense.

Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson, Luna for short.  REALLY Uma Thurman? So the simple, three, maybe four name for a child was just not enough for you?! I mean, not only will the kid NEVER remember her full name until she is about 7, she is NOT going to use any of them ever.

What was she thinking? I know,  if the kid turns out to be an actress and Rosalind was taken that she would have plenty of other legal SAG names to choose from. SMH. Come on.


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The Playdate Commandments

23 Oct
  1. Thou shalt not touch anything you are not supposed to.
  2. Thou shalt be polite.
  3. Thou shalt not let anybody touch your privates.
  4. Thou shalt not let anybody see your privates.
  5. Thou shalt stay away from peanuts.
  6. Thou shalt not go anywhere without your friends mom.
  7. Thou shalt go to the bathroom by yourself and wash your hands when done.
  8. Thou shalt remember commandment number 3.
  9. Thou shalt remember commandment number 4.
  10. Thou shalt remember to ask to call your mommy if you want to go home.

I was raised within a family that did NOT believe in playdates, that is, you did not send your child to some other persons house to play and leave them there. Now I am not the offspring of a Chinese mom my mother just didn’t trust anyone. However, I decided that I would break the mold and send my 4-year-old out to play with her bestie for a few hours. It was her first playdate. The parents seemed innocuous enough, albeit them sending their child to school with costumes EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. They were foreign and I figured their slight weirdness could be attributed to that.

Before sending my child over to their house I remember covering the basics with my youngster. (see commandments above) You don’t touch anything you are not supposed to, be polite, don’t let anybody touch your privates, don’t let anybody see your privates, stay away from peanuts, don’t go anywhere without the mom and if you want to come home, what’s my number so that you can reach me. Check, check and CHECK!  When we made the drop-off, I even stayed back for a bit to check the place out to be sure there were not any obvious dangers; an uncle with a twitch, a dog that looked a bit like Cujo, any dark rooms, etc. The mom asked me about what foods she was allergic to, and if it would be okay for her to watch a little TV. I thought great, she’s awesome, this should be a breeze.  And um yeah, I was WRONG!

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