Tag Archives: school

Diary of a Fustrated Single Mother During Summer Break: BIG BAG OF CRAP

20 Jun

Day 0.0

So the day has arrived, the last day of school. My kid is out of school for the summer. I am excited and elated that my third grader is now on her way to the fourth grade! It was a tough year, and we almost lost it at the end, with the whole hitting a kid thing (even though the kid kinda started it), and some other issues; fooling around with her friends in Spanish and making a slingshot in English.  But the kid came back strong with grades, performance and behavior. YAY for mommy and yay for kid!

The last day of school was a rainy day, but I was still happy and eager and freaking excited that my new morning call time for the next three months would be for 7 and not 530 a.m. All of that changed when I walked into her classroom and saw what was waiting for me, it was the biggest freaking bag full of crap I have ever seen. The bag will here on be referred to as Bag of Crap. Yes it’s so big, it gets a name. Parents, you know about Bag of Crap, it comes home the day before winter break, spring break and summer break. It spills out into your living spaces immediately and takes forever to be dumped and put away. For some reason we parents never seem to remember to expect Bag of Crap and act ridiculously surprised when the kids come walking out the building with their trusty, heavy friend.

The past three years, I have fallen victim to Bags of Crap with its sharp objects poking out and ruining my suits and stockings with sharp pencils and books and random straws. Bag of Crap is are typically made of cheap materials and usually fall apart shortly after putting in 10 pounds of crap. This year, Bag of Crap contained: art projects made of food, clothing , toys you didn’t even know made it out of the house, one of my rings, I tiny origami bird 9 headbands, puppets, a few straws, pencils with paperclips put in the eraser heads tied up with strings….yeah, good ole Bag of Crap.  One would think that in the pricey school I send my kid to, they would have better quality bags lying around to send the kids home with.  Being that I am not an evil mommy, I end up schlepping the shit myself, along with my big ole purse or Bag of Craps cousin my Shoulder Bag of Crap.

So I figured this year I would be ahead of the curve and get her to start bringing home some of this stuff early so that I don’t have to look like a bag lady and break my back on the last day of school. Did the kid do what I asked? Of course the heck not. I ended up carrying this bag shown below, plus my bag, plus an over sized umbrella in the  pouring rain. Not light rain, not steady rain but bananas ass pouring, subway slowing rain. See the bag below, its as wide as my front door. This was no joke.

The bag is as wide as my kitchen door, is about 2 ft high and HEAVY AS HECK!

The bag is as wide as my kitchen door, is about 2 ft high and HEAVY AS HECK

Well welcome day 0.0 of my kids Summer Break!

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Mom Cheated In Class: Third Grade Math Debacle

19 Dec

hocnews_letemsweatEvery year, the kids school invites us to spend a full morning following our kids to class.  We see what they learn, how they learn and even get to participate in some of their class lessons and activities.  On this particular visit, I thought it would be no different, except, this year, we visited the kids in, wait for it, math class.  It should have been no big deal, it is after all the third grade and it wasn’t like I had to learn or recite anything right. WRONG!

That day, the classroom activity included asking parents to participate in a math game. In this game you were given index cards with a number and a math problem and the next person had to figure if their number on their card matched the factor of the person who just spoke, kind of like “math telephone”.  Now, understand this one thing about your Model Mom, I hate math, I suck at math, I am terrible at math. I still use songs that I heard in the fourth grade to remember some of my times tables and yes I use my fingers and shortcuts to remember certain things. So when a math game was announced, I froze and panicked out of fear of embarrassment  The first round was easy breezy, it was a simple number and I could have easily figured out what the factors were, excellent. However, I could tell the parents scoffed and quietly judged the other parents that were slow to the draw on the questions in the game. I vowed that I would not be that parent!

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How to Ace Your Parent Teacher Conference

13 Nov

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I hate parent/teacher conferences more now as a parent, then I did as a child worried about a bad report and a spanking afterwards. This is my first child and and every year since Kindergarten I have been fustrated with the reports and somewhat snarky comments and suggestions given by the teachers and administrators. These people are a trip. At times, it feels like its the Hunger Games mixed with Law & Order Criminal intent. I tell you, my palms were always sweaty.

But this year, I came PREPARED! And this is what I did:

-Check in with the teacher. A simple email asking how’s it going is enough.
-Come with questions, because you should always come to an interview with questions. Wait, its not an interview is it.
-Remember, (insert Maury Povich voice) you ARE the parent! You are not an underling or subordinate. Dont be scared of them, they cant hurt you!
-Check with your kid. Ask them, “if I talk to your teacher, what would they say you need to improve on?” Most times they will be honest. Now multiply that by 50% and that is your REAL answer.
-This is not a Real Housewives reunion show. Your are not there to rehash and attack each other. Do not go all Teresa Gudice and throw a table and yell DONT CHOO TAWK ABAWT MAI MUDDA! On your kids teacher.

But in the end, the best way to be prepared for these meetings is to be connected to your kid and BE INVOLVED. I know it sounds cliche but, check homework, read to your kid, talk to your kid and check in with your kids teacher, its your best bet!

My kids report this go round was great and its only up from here, I hope.

#modelmombehavior