Tag Archives: playtime

Dear CoParent: A Letter To My Most Difficult Ex

17 Aug

Writing letter to a friend.

Dear CoParent,

I don’t often feel the need to communicate outside of head nods and waves, however I am somewhat compelled to bring back the art of letter writing. There are so many wonderful things I would like to share with you so here goes!

  • We are not telepathically connected, if we were we’d probably a)still be together (not) or b) you’d be totally floored to know how I really think about you, and not my polite company opinion of you, the gutter Love & Hip Hop, NY and Atlanta Reunion Specials opinion, the Teresa Giudice eye bulging neck vein opinion. So next time, try announcing your arrival for pickup instead of sitting in front of my house waiting like I am supposed to just feel your presence.
  • Do you think after all these years you arriving late for pickup actually bothers me? Nuh uh, as a responsible parent, there is always a Plan B. So if you think you are exuding some sort of control by just showing up when you like in order to either upset me or ruin my day…try again.
  • I love the fact that you always pick-up in taxi’s and hourly rented vehicles. Does the city give you a poor persons discount for these things? I didn’t know that people on Public Assistance who only make 5k per year while running a successful company could afford such things. o_O
  • I don’t talk about you negatively in front of your child, I don’t have to. The kid sees what an asshole you are unfortunately. I know, I know, its hard for you to hide it although you did a good job fooling me for a certain period of time. I am actually the one that encourages understanding, communication of thoughts and boundaries with both parents. Be lucky and appreciative because that kid gives some really wicked shade…I guess the kid learned that from you.
  • In case of emergencies, how about you call me. Sending text’s to my EMAIL ADDRESS is not going to get you a quick response from me during the day. I have a life, I work and don’t wait on your every word.
  • Just because you put it in an email, doesn’t mean it’s true. Do you not realize that email has time stamps and Tony the Tiger, is NOT REAL!?
  • Parenting Time, is not having your girlfriend pick the kid up from school, take the kid home, cook the kid dinner and then take the kid back to school the next day.
  • Although the kid is precious, the child its not a trophy. You don’t understand? Well all you seem to do during your Parenting Time is sit and stare at the kid, fuss if the kid is not dressed to your standards and show the kid off instead of having quality interaction and being a parent. Polished and in your possession…TROPHY.

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The Model Mom’s Lessons of the Week 8/3/13

3 Aug

 

The Model Mom’s Lessons of the Week:

  • If you want your kid to understand anything, use an example that references their electronic games.

        Mom: Would you lend your DS to a person  you just met?

        Kid: NO WAY!

        Mom: Well, I’m no sleepover with a new friend, you’re MY DS!

        Kid: I get it.

  • No matter how much you think you have it under control, your annoying  Co-Parent will be able to get under your skin, even 4 years later. Keep booze handy!
  • Oven cleaner gets just about ANYTHING clean.  Dried milk spill that I was NOT told about and only realized it happened weeks after dude to the residue all over my kitchen cabinets and outside of the fridge that was almost concrete…GONE!
  • No matter how many towels or washcloths you put in the bathroom, you kid will still USE YOURS!
  • It is great to be an easygoing parent, but sometimes, just because, tell them NO. Keeps them in check and keeps them humble!

Why? Because The Model Mom Says So! #modelmomsayso

 

Stuff Black Kids Don’t Do

20 Jun

People,  you can file this one under “Stuff Black Kids Don’t Do”. Notice in the video, not ONE black father, and it is not because they say black fathers are statistically more absent in the household than white fathers lol. It is because:

1) we raise our kids not to waste food

 

2) is really disrespectful to do that to your father and

3) you would be dead. PERIOD THE END

 

 

The Good and the Bad about Celebrity Pregnancies

31 Dec

celebrity-pregnancy-fashion_162810It is a holy celebrity pregnancy trinity going on in 2013. Kate/Jess/KimYe all preggers at the same time! Get ready for endless baby nonsense  And while all babies are wonderful, there are two sides to the madness that goes on when celebs get knocked up.

The Good – Fat Celebrities: It’s awesome to see celebrities get fat, even if just for 9 months with a valid excuse. Jessica Simpson got HUGE! Tori Spellings face will never be the same again! And Mimi, well, she always teetered on the edge of chunky anyway. Its nice for us mere mortals to poke fun and know that even stars get cankles.

The Bad – Post Baby Hotties: They lose all of that pregnancy weight too quickly and your CoParent looks at your fat butt and wonders why you cant drop the weight like Posh/Scary Spice and all those damn Victoria’s Secrets models did. I mean did you see Mel B post baby, geeze that gurl look good!

The Good – Healthy Lifestyles for Pregnant Moms: I love to see all the maternity health stuff for pregnant moms. From pregnancy yoga and swimming to baby-moons. Its awesome.

The Bad – Over Doing Healthy:  Since some of  you are so preoccupied with staying fit and healthy, I now have to see you and your big belly at the gym, the spa and on the jogging path. Sometimes its called over doing it. I do not want to see you in my noon kickboxing class sweating. I mean really, I am not only worried that you are gonna get kicked or pass out, I get angry when you dont because I am working so hard and I’m not pregnant.

The Good – Rich Baby Mama Drama: They make dysfunctional families and unwed parents look good/normal to the rest of us mere mortals. From Angelina and her wierdo life to Eryka Badu and her three babies fathers to Heidi hooking up with Seal whist preggers with another mans baby and Kim still married to Kris and having a baby by Kanye (KKK) and the blond chick from Mad Men (what the heck is her name other than Betty Draper) not naming the father of her kid. It makes the rest of us look normal.

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The Land of Misfit Toys: What the Heck Happened to Last Years Christmas Presents?

18 Dec

Every year I clear out the kids toy chest to make room for the new junk that will be purchased this year. However, when I went through her closet this year, I couldn’t remember what the heck I bought her for Christmas last year because I don’t remember her playing with much or should I say any of it. After a mind meld of sorts, I figured out what it was, where it was, and why she wasn’t feeling it.

password journalThe electronic diary: I wanted her to have something where she could write her thoughts and feel like she could keep it to herself (until I decide to read it). However. The darn thing didn’t work to her liking. The “password” didn’t keep it locked and the “secret” was a marker that can only be seen under a UV light. According to my daughter, after I finally put batteries in it, a full 8 months after the holidays, she told me, “Mommy, you got ripped off!” Said toy is in the back of the closet.

imagesCA0M33USFijit Friends: She ended up getting two of these because the dear CoParent doesnt like to communicate about anything. So not only did I not realize that it was an annoying toy that only makes even more annoying sounds, we now had two of them! This toys “annoy mommy” factor was so high, I kinda had to ban it to the “only play with when mommy is not around” pile. Yeah, its kinda harsh but we have a small apartment and I can practically hear when she scratches from across the house. This toy as well is in back of the closet.

DSI Games: Now these were winners! I still can’t remember which ones I bought but she loved them, she could put them on mute and it was a WIN WIN for the apartment!

SnowFlurryOutfitAmerican Girl Doll stuff: I bought her a winter white snow suit and Coconut the dog for her American Girl Doll. This was a WINNER! She loves that doll and the outfit matched hers so YAY!

I know there was other stuff, but honestly, I can’t remember. Goes to show you just what we SHOULD be doing during the holidays which is not driving ourselves crazy buying our kids stuff they don’t need, want or even remember.

Le sigh.

#modelmombehavior

Men, Are You Sponge, err, Sitter Worthy? – Single Mom in the City

10 Nov

Men, I want you to know that when you are dating a single mom, you have captured and are spending time with, some of the most wonderful women in the world. But, men, you must know, that when we go out with you, we are actually paying to be in your company, literally.

For those of us single mom’s and some dads, who have their children full-time or most of the time, at some point, we will be paying a sitter in order to go out with you. Do you know how much a sitter costs? On average, a good, reliable sitter costs anywhere between $15-$25 depending on what city you live in, the age of the child, how many children and the level of experience of the babysitter. So the math for the evening on the town with you goes something like this.

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When the Teachers are Bullies: Why I Will Always Question a Teacher Before I Question My Kid

7 Nov

You should always question a teacher and question them HARD when you get a bad or not so great report about your kid. Gone are the days when all teachers should be considered these noble beacons of light who can do no wrong, they are people, like the rest of us prone to all the trappings of the average Joe on the street.  Teachers are not immune to human tendencies, and just as in work situations, when a colleague or boss is an asshole to you “just because” they may not like your hair, your face, your energy and/or your very being and find fault in everything you do, the same thing can be happening to your child at school with their teacher.  The difference is, most young children don’t realize it and just seek to please the person in charge. As parents, especially single moms or busy moms, or first time moms, we want to get it right so bad, we immediately take what teachers say about our children and run with it.

I made the mistake once of not defending my child against a teacher who I now believe, just didn’t like her. Her energy and enthusiasm which had her being named the leader in her class the year before, likened and known by everyone in the school from the older students to the administration and the staff, to this particular year,  it turned into her being “attention thirsty” and “disrespectful” by her homeroom teacher. I didn’t get it! And so, for the entire year, I focused on having my child behave instead of really researching what was going on in that classroom. She was being picked on and dare I say bullied by a teacher.

At her age, she didn’t know or realize what was going on, but just as a child will always try to please the parent and internalize the lack of love and support they require, they will do the same thing with a teacher and try even harder to get the teacher to like them. And that’s sad. I finally realized what was going on after discussing my concerns with her previous teacher, other parents and a teachers aid and realized that this particular teacher was treating certain kids differently than others, my child was being picked on BY THE TEACHER. But by this time, the year was over. If I had to do it again, I would have, well you don’t want to know what I would have done (don’t mess with mine!)

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