Tag Archives: Darth Siddeous

Are You Co-Parenting with Darth Vader?

31 Jul

Darth Vader had to be the worst father in the history of the universe.  Sure, he sacrificed himself at the end of his life for his son, but at that point after years of terror, it was too little too late. Given his prior behavior, Vader’s sacrifice was self-serving and Vader Come Lately if you ask me. And what about poor Padame? His evil actions caused her to croak. Could you imagine all of the Vadering that would have taken place to Padame if she was alive? If Darth Vader were living in present day, he would have dragged the mother of his twins through intergalactic Family Court in order to wrestle wrestle Luke and Laura away from her, because heck, Vader was not the type of man to pay child support and living expenses for droid upkeep.

Does this sound like your Co-Parent? If so, you are dealing with a man I would like to dub as Darth Father.

How do you know if you are dealing with a Darth Father, here are the 10 signs below:

  1. Any amount of child support is too much for a Darth Father to pay. Be it $50 dollars a month to $1300+ per month. If they make 10k to 2M per year, a Darth Father just does not feel like they should be giving you any money to take care of their child. Let The Rebels, i.e. your family, take care of the kid. Freak for all he cares, the Ewoks can chip in as well. Nobody is going to take away money from this Darth Father when he as DeathStars and shiny rims to purchase.
  2. Fights for visitation but then never comes to your galaxy to collect the kid(s). So after months, sometimes even years in my case, of fighting you for custody or visitation, a Darth Father will be granted visitation and then just disappears into the universe. But, that one day, when the child is not available, then watch out, hell hath no fury like a Darth Father scorned!  A Darth Father will have your ass back in Family Court quicker than Yoda can flip over your ass and cut your neck with a light saber.
  3. darth sidiousFights for visitation then leaves the kids with other people. So let’s say that after you go through family court and your co-parent gets your kid for a few days, they themselves don’t even spend time with your child.  A Darth Father’s kid will either get left with the current girlfriend, another family member or heavens forbid, with that family member who nobody likes who looks and talks like Darth Sidious.
  4. They know how to use The Force. The Force, being Family Court. For some Darth Father’s they have mastered The Force of Family Court. The manage to manipulate the system to their benefit, being able to obtain free attorneys, file constant motions and are some of the most litigious people from The Dark Side you will ever meet! Beware!
  5. They fight for control of things they cannot control. A Darth Father always wants to control shit that is not their business. If you start dating again, they want to be sure that this dude is not around their kid. They want to control how you do your child’s hair, what they wear, who their doctor is, but never want to do any of the work or the manual tasks that it takes to maintain what they want to control. Heck, my Darth Father once asked the court to make me inform him who I was going on vacation with. GTFOH! And when they do not get what they want they are quick to turn to The Dark Side to exact their revenge and “protect” what is theirs. Exactly what happened to “Sweet Little Annie”!
  6. A Darth Father never keeps their word. Remember when Laura told Darth Vader where the rebel base was in order to save the planet and that sucker blew up the planet anyway. Yeah, that’s a Darth Father.  You agree to all of their demands just to maintain a decent relationship for the sake of the kids and they cross those boundaries and mess shit up anyway.
  7. They misrepresent themselves to others. Before Darth Vader became, well Darth Vader, he was sweet little Anniken, right up till the end. Nobody knew that he was leading a double life of terror and mischief around the galaxy. And your eh hem, I mean Padame’s dumb ass didn’t see it. Your Darth Father will come to events and smile and wave for his audience and behind the scenes will literally be giving you the finger. My Darth Father once came to a school function to have his current girlfriend serve me with court documents.
  8. They speak ill of you to your child and to the Jedi Council. Anniken had no issue expressing his dislike and distrust to Obi Wan, just like a Darth Father would have no issue expressing his dislike of everything Mommy to your child. From her clothing selections to how I do her hair, Mommy always does something wrong.  These things are said to almost anyone a Darth Father can get on their side be it teachers, medical professionals or family members.
  9. No matter what planet you are on, you are still in THEIR UNIVERSE. These dudes are so full of their own Metacholrens there is no room on the planet for anyone else. Anniken had the most metachlorens than anyone had ever seen and all he could think about was securing his own interests. And just like a Darth Father, everything comes back to THEM. Your request for support is an attempt to rob him. Your attempt to set a schedule for your kid is an attempt to control their life and tell them when and how to spend time with their kid. Screw it, any and all requests is an attempt to ruin their lives according to a Darth Father. Beware Kimmie, looks like Kanye has the ability to turn to the Darkside!
  10. They are just plain EVIL and try to drive you insane. Anniken/Vader caused Padame’s death, it may not have been purposely, but some of these Darth Fathers live to see you suffer. They take Vadering to a whole other level with the tactics they employ to make your life a living hell.  Hey Padame took the sucker way out and left those kids to fend for themselves, we are stronger than that and live to fight a Vader another day.
A Darth Father lives for nothing more than to drive you nuts.

A Darth Father lives for nothing more than to drive you nuts.

So now that you now that you are dealing with a Darth Father, how does one get out of his grip and ride off into the sunset with Han Solo? Well lets save that for Part II.