Life, really isn’t that complicated and most problems have simple solutions. Just ask my 8-year-old.
The dreaded 3:18am wake up by your child, sometime, somewhere in your parenting journey, its going to happen. And on this Sunday night, I was violently shaken awake by my ridiculously strong 8-year-old. It’s not a usual occurrence so I expected to wake to some sort of Paranormal experience where someone is levitating off the bed or the shadow of my ex attacking me for having his child support payments raised. Instead I opened my eyes to find a very cohearent, very alert child. As a parent, we have our list of questions at the ready when these things happen: Are you ok?Did you wet the bed? Are you afraid? Did someone break into the house? Is someone outside with a big check with my name on it? Is something burning? To which she answered no for every question. After one final, WHATS WRONG KID! She replied…I need you to hold me so I can fall back asleep.
Too tired to argue, I did as was asked and went back to sleep.
The next morning, I asked her what was her problem. Why did she wake up the sleeping dragon. To which she replied. “Mama, I couldn’t sleep. So either I was going to be up and keep us both up or you could just hold me and we both get to go back to sleep. Makes sense right! It was simple mom, not complicated.” So yes, according to my very wise 8-year-old, life is that simple and I will take this talk and try to apply it to everything this week.
- Dont like your job. Find a new one!
- Gained some weight because you eat too much junk and don’t exercise enough. Stop eating junk and exercise!
- Dont like your husband/boyfriend, get a new one!
- Your kid likes to wake you up in the middle of the night…keep your door locked! 🙂
See its simple, not complicated!
Please, I beg you, do not send me any more holiday cards with pictures of your kids on it. I mean really, it’s cute the first year and I understand you want to show off the cutie, and okay maybe the second year. But year after year I collect these things and you know what happens, one year, I throw them ALL out. And I feel guilty seeing all of these pictures of these darling little children and happy families smiling in the trash. It makes me feel icky, as if someone should call Sally Struthers on me and start a campaign called “Save The Holiday Card Children”.
And I know, you work so hard, getting your little matching outfits together, some people even hire professional photographers and set up scenic views and the like. And these shots are nice for grandparents and maybe some aunts and uncles. But I get these things from coworkers, bosses, friends etc. and really, sometimes, if I don’t read who it’s from, I don’t know who these kids are! There is just a bunch of random children on my fridge and I get confused.
This weeks bad parent award goes the newly minted Mr. and Mrs. Kelsey Grammer. As reported by TMZ, the Grammer’s took their 3 month old to the Playboy Mansion for a Halloween party. Their excuse, the new mom is breastfeeding and they couldn’t find a reliable sitter.
I call bullshit. With millions of dollars in the bank, they, after three months, can’t find a suitable nanny in all of Los Angeles? That unlike millions of mom’s who breastfeed and go to work, they could not figure out how to pump and bottle feed their child?
And not to mention its not as if the freshly minted Mrs. Grammer was missing a night out at the Oscars. She could have, um, I dunno, stayed at home maybe. A party at the Playboy Mansion is not what one would consider a must attend event. I see no reason as to why they dragged a 3 month old to an all night long, loud party with half naked women and drinking. Were they not afraid that someone would spill a drink or some other bodily fluid on that child. The picture shown below courtesy TMZ.com states that it was around after midnight when it was taken. And I’m sorry, isn’t there a “must have nanny” clause in the pre-nup?
Now, we all have been there where we made questionable decisions as to where we take our kids. I have taken my baby to dinner late at night but it wasn’t a party. I have also taken her to an open air restaurant that has a bar-esque feel to it, but a Playboy Mansion party? Really! This sounds more like the Mrs. wanted to keep an eye on her hubby around some non lactating boobies.
Mr. Grammer, this bunny is for you! 🙂
This week, the bad parent award goes to Uma Thurman for the worlds longest, most annoying name for a child ever and for a nickname that makes absolutely NO sense.
Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson, Luna for short. REALLY Uma Thurman? So the simple, three, maybe four name for a child was just not enough for you?! I mean, not only will the kid NEVER remember her full name until she is about 7, she is NOT going to use any of them ever.
What was she thinking? I know, if the kid turns out to be an actress and Rosalind was taken that she would have plenty of other legal SAG names to choose from. SMH. Come on.
If you havent found a costume yet for your little girl, Jacks store on 45th btwn 5th and Madison has awesome quality princess, snow white and witch costumes for little girls for $20 bucks! Click more below to see the image. Its worth the trip to take a look! . Click below for a pic:
The “P” in parenting isn’t for PERFECT it is for PRESENT! You need to be present for your child. Parenting is not all about playing tea parties, being at every PTA meeting making everything from scratch and only giving your child organic. Its about being PRESENT and active with your child the best way you know how.
How do you explain what a condom is to an 8 year old?
When the kid was 6, a discovery was made when said child decided to go through my purse and found one of those free NYC condoms in my bag. (Don’t judge, those suckers come in handy when you decide your date is going to get lucky after making an oath before you went out on that date that they were NOT going to get NEAR the knickers, but then they looked hot and you were drinking and they were in a bathroom, they were FREE so, I took em, okay another story for another time) ANYWAY, the kid asked what they were. I mean the kid was 6, not ready for THAT conversation and I frankly was not ready for it either. So, the first thing that came to mind was, SAMPLE LOTION PACKETS. I told the kid that the multicolored condom packet was a lotion sample from a magazine. I kind of feel the kid knew that I was telling a fib, but the kid is too young and won’t remember. We left it at that until….
Fast forward one year later. The kid and I are at the pharmacy, on the counter, next to a container of free lollipops for customers, was a container with the same aforementioned NYC condoms. SIDEBAR: we will discuss why the frack they had lollipops next to condoms on another day because that was too weird. Back to the kid, I catch her staring at the lollipops and then at the “lotion packets”, before I can say anything to defuse the situation, the kid then yells. “MOMMY, LOOK THEY HAVE THE LOTION SAMPLES THAT YOU USE”. I cannot tell you the kinds of colors that I turned, but I do remember giving her a stern look and telling her to stop yelling and quickly ushered the kid out of the store.