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For Kids, It Is Just That Simple: Life Lessons From My 8 Year Old

6 Feb

girl-under-bed_300Life, really isn’t that complicated and most problems have simple solutions. Just ask my 8-year-old.

The dreaded 3:18am wake up by your child, sometime, somewhere in your parenting journey, its going to happen. And on this Sunday night, I was violently shaken awake by my ridiculously strong  8-year-old. It’s not a usual occurrence so I expected to wake to some sort of  Paranormal experience where someone is levitating off the bed or the shadow of my ex attacking me for having his child support payments raised.  Instead I opened my eyes to find a very  cohearent, very alert child.  As a parent, we have our list of questions at the ready when these things happen: Are you ok?Did you wet the bed? Are you afraid? Did someone break into the house? Is someone outside with a big check with my name on it? Is something burning? To which she answered no for every question. After one final, WHATS WRONG KID! She replied…I need you to hold me so I can fall back asleep.

Too tired to argue, I did as was asked and went back to sleep.

The next morning, I asked her what was her problem. Why did she wake up the sleeping dragon. To which she replied. “Mama, I couldn’t sleep. So either I was going to be up and keep us both up or you could just hold me and we both get to go back to sleep. Makes sense right! It was simple mom, not complicated.” So yes, according to my very wise 8-year-old, life is that simple and I will take this talk and try to apply it to everything this week.

  • Dont like your job. Find a new one!
  • Gained some weight because you eat too much junk and don’t exercise enough. Stop eating junk and exercise!
  • Dont like your husband/boyfriend, get a new one!
  • Your kid likes to wake you up in the middle of the night…keep your door locked! 🙂

See its simple, not complicated!



You’re Gonna Talk Me To Death

6 Nov

Ever just had one of those days with your kid when they wont shut the heck up well one of my conversations went a little something like this:

kid: mama do you know that you can adopt a dog for free and not buy a dog?

mom: (silence)

kid: mama should i adopt a dog or buy a dog?

mom: (silence)

kid: mama should I have a Quinceañera or a sweet 16? no really im serious

mom: (even more silence)

kid: mama what would happen if fairy godparents are real?

mom: (silence with an ear twitch)

kid: mama do you know we passed all kinds of ice cream today?

mom: (silence with an eye roll)

kid: mom what does gay mean?

mom: it means happy.

kid: no it doesnt.

mom: so what does it mean then?(i’m not stupid, i am just not ready to have THAT conversation, I was tired)

kid: (now the kid is silent)…mama can I have some candy?

mom: no

kid: can i have a playdate with kylie in september?

mom: (strong silent, its October)

kid: can I have some cookies?

mom: no (annoyed)

kid: can i have a gum pack?

mom: no(annoyed)

kid: can i have some chapstick?

mom: no(pissed)

kid: can i have…

mom: dont ask me for anything else child!

mom: (its too quiet now) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (watching kid wipe her dirty palms against the interior of her lower lip getting all the salt/train germs/germs in her mouth)

kid: (silent)  mama do you know how to do this (shows a funny hand move)

mom: no i dont, can you give me like 5 min of quiet?

kid: ok, but lemme show you how to do it!

mom: (closing eyes and going to my happy place)

kid: HOT DOG!!! thats my catch phrase, do you like it?

mom: (hands in palm)

kid: no? how about got your face off! no?

mom: (busting out laughing) look, leave me alone!

kid: giggles all the way home…(gotcha she’s thinking to herself)

Drives me crazy, but I love it.

“Mom, when you die will you leave me anything?”: $hit my kid says

22 Oct

Ok so this question was perplexing because, goodness kid, you’re not even 10 and you are already thinking about taking my stuff when I’m gone? Can I get some stuff before you start robbing my grave? And why the heck are you thinking about this? Do they have inheritance talk in at the fancy school that I send you to?

Within two seconds, she asks again. “Mom, when you die will you leave me anything?”  What do you want I asked, to which she replied…

Continue reading

“Mommy, do you still love Daddy?” The Co-Parenting Answer

16 Oct

While getting ready for bed the other night, my lovely munchkin asked, “Mommy, do you still love Daddy?” I immediately froze and in my mind, I began to instinctively spew out a few answers: -Awe hell mother nukkin NO! -Please don’t make me gag. -I don’t think dad even likes girls hunny. -Its not that I don’t love him as much as I wish he were no longer on the planet. -I love your dad as much as Posh Spice likes food. Then I thought: Continue reading

Fastest Way To Get Your Kid To Bed

7 Mar

You want to know how to get your child to go to bed immediately, listen to this:

(on our way home)

Mom: When we get home, I want to immediately take a shower and get to bed.

Kid: But mom, I wanna play and watch my show before I go to bed.

Mom: Hey I got your report card in the mail and I had a meeting with your teachers today, I want to talk to you about some of the things we discussed, I’m not too happy with the report.

(two min later)

Kid: Mom, I’m so tired, when I get home can I go right to bed. I don’t think I’m going to get enough sleep and I don’t want to be cranky in the morning.

Mom: 🙂

Rewind and Come Again…

3 Mar

When catching your kid in a lie do you let them start over?

Mom: so kid, how is school?

Kid: good, I love school.

Mom: are you staying out of trouble, are you following the advice that I gave you about your behavior?

Kid: yes.

Mom: So when I talk to your teachers will they tell me the same thing, that there is no trouble?

Kid: Can I start over?

Mom: :/


So what do I do? As funny as hell as this little interchange was, she still told a fib and didn’t own up to the truth until she knew there was a possibility that she would get caught. I applaud her for quitting while she was ahead AND for asking to rectify the situation she caused, however, still a little unsure about the outcome.

Nibbles and Bits

27 Feb

kid: mom, your nibbles are bigger than mine.

mom: 😐