Please Do Not Send Holiday Cards with Your Kids’ Picture.

28 Nov

Please, I beg you, do not send me any more holiday cards with pictures of your kids on it. I mean really, it’s cute the first year and I understand you want to show off the cutie, and okay maybe the second year. But year after year I collect these things and you know what happens, one year, I throw them ALL out. And I feel guilty seeing all of these pictures of these darling little children and happy families smiling in the trash. It makes me feel icky, as if someone should call Sally Struthers on me and start a campaign called “Save The Holiday Card Children”.

And I know, you work so hard, getting your little matching outfits together, some people even hire professional photographers and set up scenic views and the like. And these shots are nice for grandparents and maybe some aunts and uncles. But I get these things from coworkers, bosses, friends etc. and really, sometimes, if I don’t read who it’s from, I don’t know who these kids are! There is just a bunch of random children on my fridge and I get confused.

No offense, but unless you are immediate family, or my kid is in the pictures, I don’t want them. What makes them worse is that the cards are dated and you guys are usually wearing some crazy outfits in holiday colors and some sort of crushed velvet or lace and patent leather and the kids eyes are all red because they have been crying the entire day because they did not want to get dressed up in those outfits to begin with to have to sit still while some dorky photographer says smile and makes weird sounds at them to get them to laugh and the kids are scared because the photog looks and now sounds like a creepy pedophile and the card catches that one moment when you manipulated a smile or a scream that looks like an open mouth smile and you decided to send THAT one out. Yeah, I don’t want them.

Happy Holidays


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