kid: mama do you know that you can adopt a dog for free and not buy a dog?
kid: mama should i adopt a dog or buy a dog?
kid: mama should I have a Quinceañera or a sweet 16? no really im serious
mom: (even more silence)
kid: mama what would happen if fairy godparents are real?
mom: (silence with an ear twitch)
kid: mama do you know we passed all kinds of ice cream today?
mom: (silence with an eye roll)
kid: mom what does gay mean?
mom: it means happy.
kid: no it doesnt.
mom: so what does it mean then?(i’m not stupid, i am just not ready to have THAT conversation, I was tired)
kid: (now the kid is silent)…mama can I have some candy?
kid: can i have a playdate with kylie in september?
mom: (strong silent, its October)
kid: can I have some cookies?
mom: no (annoyed)
kid: can i have a gum pack?
kid: can i have some chapstick?
kid: can i have…
mom: dont ask me for anything else child!
mom: (its too quiet now) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (watching kid wipe her dirty palms against the interior of her lower lip getting all the salt/train germs/germs in her mouth)
kid: (silent) mama do you know how to do this (shows a funny hand move)
mom: no i dont, can you give me like 5 min of quiet?
kid: ok, but lemme show you how to do it!
mom: (closing eyes and going to my happy place)
kid: HOT DOG!!! thats my catch phrase, do you like it?
mom: (hands in palm)
kid: no? how about got your face off! no?
mom: (busting out laughing) look, leave me alone!
kid: giggles all the way home…(gotcha she’s thinking to herself)
Drives me crazy, but I love it.