You’re Gonna Talk Me To Death

6 Nov

Ever just had one of those days with your kid when they wont shut the heck up well one of my conversations went a little something like this:

kid: mama do you know that you can adopt a dog for free and not buy a dog?

mom: (silence)

kid: mama should i adopt a dog or buy a dog?

mom: (silence)

kid: mama should I have a Quinceañera or a sweet 16? no really im serious

mom: (even more silence)

kid: mama what would happen if fairy godparents are real?

mom: (silence with an ear twitch)

kid: mama do you know we passed all kinds of ice cream today?

mom: (silence with an eye roll)

kid: mom what does gay mean?

mom: it means happy.

kid: no it doesnt.

mom: so what does it mean then?(i’m not stupid, i am just not ready to have THAT conversation, I was tired)

kid: (now the kid is silent)…mama can I have some candy?

mom: no

kid: can i have a playdate with kylie in september?

mom: (strong silent, its October)

kid: can I have some cookies?

mom: no (annoyed)

kid: can i have a gum pack?

mom: no(annoyed)

kid: can i have some chapstick?

mom: no(pissed)

kid: can i have…

mom: dont ask me for anything else child!

mom: (its too quiet now) WHAT ARE YOU DOING? (watching kid wipe her dirty palms against the interior of her lower lip getting all the salt/train germs/germs in her mouth)

kid: (silent)  mama do you know how to do this (shows a funny hand move)

mom: no i dont, can you give me like 5 min of quiet?

kid: ok, but lemme show you how to do it!

mom: (closing eyes and going to my happy place)

kid: HOT DOG!!! thats my catch phrase, do you like it?

mom: (hands in palm)

kid: no? how about got your face off! no?

mom: (busting out laughing) look, leave me alone!

kid: giggles all the way home…(gotcha she’s thinking to herself)

Drives me crazy, but I love it.

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