For those of us with co-parenting situations, you know you have heard it before, “mom/dad said”. Well, suffice to say, when your kid is not with you and is with your co-parent, like it or lump it, what goes on in their house, what the rules are in their house, well, its not any of your business and you cannot dictate a damn thing inside of a house where you do not live.
My child on many occasions has complained about what dad said and what dad did while in his care. When a request was made by my kid, who put my name in it, “mommy said I should”, his reply was, “well its my time now”. As much of a jackass as he is, he is right. Although he could have given a better response instead of being a jerk, he was totally within his right to give that type of response, it his home. Now, granted, I didn’t SAY for my kid to tell him what I said, but given that the kid felt the need for some authority behind the request, and I probably did tell imply what should be done, I didn’t instruct the child to relay the message of, “mommy said”. But some of us co-parents do and have and have thought about doing just that. This is something that your child nor yourself can do. And, if you have a co-parent like mine, the wonderful beautiful angel that he is, this is not going to fly and it WILL cause problems.
You have to let go, you have to trust that the other parent, fool, jerk, jackass or otherwise, is going to take care of the child. This is not to say that if something detrimental is going on that you shouldn’t speak up or request changes, but pick your battles WISELY. Or another option is to teach your kid how to express their feelings and wishes with their own authority and to leave your name out of it.
So what I taught my kid to say is, instead of saying, “mommy wants me to”, or “mommy said” or the forsaken “when I am with mom”, tell them to speak for themselves and LEAVE YOUR NAME OUT OF IT. Tell them to say, “mom/dad can we, because I…”. The other parent will definitely be more receptive and you don’t have to hear about your co-parent cursing your name every five minutes. Does this sound like you are teaching your kid manipulation, somewhat, but you can just think of it as giving them people skills in order to deal with living in a dual household.
Leave your comments below, because MOMMY said so! 🙂